I have lots of end of the school year posts to write, but for some reason seem to be having trouble doing it. This has been kind of an emotional time for me. It seems like our family is right on the cusp of so many changes. This year just flew by. It seems like just yesterday I was prying Rowan off my arm and handing him tearfully over to his kindergarten teacher. Now kindergarten is over. My half day snuggle friend will be off to ALL day school next fall.
Twelve and a half years ago I quit working to dive into the life of stay at home mom. There were times when it seemed like this phase of my life would last forever. That I would always have little ones home with me during the day. There were also times when I longed for them to all be away at school, just so I could have a few minutes of quiet. But now that it's almost here, I can't believe how fast this time has gone. I'm not ready to be away from all of them all day. I miss them already. Perhaps lots of togetherness this summer will cure me of that sadness.
Next fall will bring with it many big changes. Fuller will be off to the middle school, a scary prospect in several ways. He's reaching that point where he wants so much independence and less family time. Grayson will also be at a new school, ALL the way across town.(OK, I know it's only 5 minutes away, it just feels farther.)
Rowan will be in the big world of first grade, no longer my morning shadow. What will I do without morning story time and silly chats over tuna sandwiches?
And then that just leaves me. What will my fall look like? I always kind of assumed I'd go back to teaching once the kids were all in school, but now see little appeal in that(and little opportunity, given the cuts the school districts are making). So I guess that remains to be seen. Maybe I'll write the next great American novel, or finally make it to the bottom of my laundry pile. It just feels odd to be at this point in my life. After years of knowing pretty much what the plan was, I find myself suddenly not sure.
Just when I've gotten used to the idea of being 40, something else to figure out.
5 comments:
I often wonder, too, what I'll do when all the kids are off at school. Highly doubt it will be work . . . . but probably taking care of the neglected ironing. :)
Was it Pres. Monson who talked about "change"? Seems like once you get one phase figured out, a new one makes it's entrance.
I so love your posts. I feel like I'm looking into a crystal ball ... Henry is off to kindergarden next year and I can't imagine him gone all day. John and I will still be together ... a lot ... but it won't be the same. sigh. Here's to ch ch ch changes!
Same feelings but at different times.. We always figured i would go back to work after Jake starts 1st grade(i had a career 13 years ago) but the thing is now we think the boys need me home more than ever..Things just are not the way they used to be when we were young..Too many pressures for Tanner(i feel his solution is just to stay on his own and work hard on soccer and martial arts and school)but there is just so many temptations in middle school. so i think you should enjoy summer. and when the new year rolls in.. enjoy the quiet get projects finished start a few hobbies to get you through the day(enjoy yourself)then dedicate the afternoon to the kiddos, you'll be surprised as i was how busy you will be:) hope to see you around:)
Try subbing a couple of days a week. You can choose to only work in Rowan's building and make getting him to and from school easier. Then you can decide if working at a school is what you really want to do. I've found it very rewarding to work full-time and I still manage to get the kids to their activities as well as being on the PTA board. Get out and enjoy the company of grownups. You'll love it!
This made me want to hold onto my babies and never let go!
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